Ideally you think I eat right, I work out and I try to be a good person , but at the end of the day none of that fucking matters… literally I thought Iam in the best shape of my life I can bike 45 miles no problem, I am just a healthy person, a healthy person doesn’t go to the fucking doctors as much as I do. I feel like people who smoke, drink, and do drugs oh and are just terrible fucking people never get sick , it’s the do gooders like me that have all of these fucking issues. I went to the doctors the other day for a lump on my jaw, a cold , my knee that I had surgery on is giving out and because I am having terrible gastric problems. So I start checking off my list all appointments scheduled, fever goes away come back sore throat goes away comes back, I deal with it. Stomach issues get worse go on a clear liquid diet to heal the gut nope now can’t hold any food down and I am in this place where it’s like do I go to the hospital or not. I question the hospital because I’ll go there and those mother fuckers will just give me and IV and probably say make an appointment with your gastro so then I’ve just wasted 6 hours of my life and $450.00 copay two things I can’t get back, on the other hand I wait until Tuesday and cross my fingers I don’t die between then and now lol HUMMM some dilemma. As I am writing this I am sitting in my bedroom alone depressed because I have done everything right and this year has been a fucking health nightmare. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with same bullshit, of this constant health issues, I try so hard to push through everyday. Everyday just seems to get harder and harder !!!! I have my family who loves me to no end , my husband that dedicates his life to making his family happy and making sure that my health stays number one on his list no matter what.. My daughter adores me and loves me so much she tells me I am the best worker outer she’s ever seen lol This kid is so attached to me that she hugs me every second she can , it’s a nice feeling to have people love you that much. At the end of the day all of that love can’t fix you, it just helps you to want to keep living and not give up on yourself , because if I give up I am being selfish. It’s so funny I love dressing nice no matter how I feel because that actually makes me feel just a bit better and I think anyone who’s sick should give it a try it’s always the little things that can put a smile on your face, like even my husband making sure I got home ok, my daughter smelling me because she thinks I smell amazing or my friends asking if I am ok. Those little things can some times save a persons life so that they don’t feel so alone with their health issues. Sometimes people may think I look like I have a great life, but nice things and a wonderful family can’t cure diseases or make your ailments go away, so never think that someone’s life is all champagne and caviar because they could being having worse problems then you. Make sure you listen and get to know your body because you don’t want to end up with a worse health situation then you could have had if you went to the doctor sooner. One more thing ask someone how their doing , because it could be that little question that makes someone feel they can pushing forward …..