It’s about 11pm Southern California time, and I’m sick in bed for the 4th day of my vacation… Four FUCKING days of pure torture , the suns shinning, warm weather and happy people and Here I’m with the worst health luck on vacation with a cold. but now it seems like it is turning into pneumonia, yes FUCKING pneumonia; because that’s what I need a big dose of that shit. I believe I picked it up from my driver who was dying when he picked us up from the airport and put his gross hands on all of my bags or could have been the nasty bitch who hacked a lung the whole 5 hours in the airplane, I’d love to punch one of them in the fucking throat for this Christmas gift. Anyways so to make matters worse I can’t take many cold medicines because of my anti-seizure meds so I have to be very careful. So my coughing is out of control and I have this major headache so I take half dose of the cough syrup and a 600mg of Ibuprofen. So I find a ibuprofen in the bed and I toss it back like duhh how did I drop this. Well dumb ass that Iam it must have just fallen out of the bottle and now I’ve taken 2 – 600 mg yay, this is my fucking luck day. So Iam frantically reading on the web like omg what do I do and the web says don’t worry it’s not enough to kill you but you may feel sick. NO SHIT like I start with pain in my stomach, then made myself throw up seriously like Iam a fucking tard. I guess what Iam trying to say boys and girls is don’t take pills you find in your bed because they can kill you lol…
I found something last night as I was going through some boxes, a paper from children and youth. A paper that almost had my daughter taken away from me because my ex-husband paid off a group of people to testify against me in court. A case that someone filed with children and youth that I was mentally unstable and a drug addict hahahah JOKE IS ON YOU MOTHER FUCKERS … (far from that) My ex abused me and when I was told to leave by children and youth , he would stop at nothing to take my daughter just to spite me. He knew he couldn’t take care of her but he did know that not having her would kill me. So he got his lying disgusting piece of shit neighbors to go to court and say how I was this monster and that they were so afraid of me, me I could not believe it I was so kind to them . They knew I had health issues and they even helped me, then turned there back for two reasons they always wanted a daughter and knew that my ex was a drug addict and they could even take her from him. And second he bought them a swimming pool for helping him win the case well haha he lost and they won a pool. The two of them are stupid fucks so here’s karma for you their beautiful little family are a bunch of fucked up misfits their wonderful smart granddaughter works in a convenience store well soap store lol same thing. That same granddaughter got pregnant, the guy left her but she stole him from someone anyway, then got married to another guy which she stole from some girl. She took care of him and he left her for the ex girlfriend after they were married hahaha oh and she is big as a fucking house now lol the aunt looks like she’s melting just so you know always so worried about her appearance and her husbands cheating on her. the other granddaughter is into drugs, multiple kids and is in and out of jail. The grandmother got cancer of the . But they were the perfect family when they went to court congratulations karma nicely served. Their was one more person who went to court against me for two thousand dollars that’s it two thousand I guess that’s how much it costs to lose a friend, she was my roommate and a close friend. The girl threw me out with my kid and I had no place to go. Guess what she was recently arrested for being high, and beating the two kids she was watching, went to jail how’s that for karma. But iam the fucked up one, the one with so many issues, it killed me to find old documents, the lies told against me for what material things or money that is not worth ruining someone’s life ! All the money in the world would never make me do that to someone , to make them feel the why that they made me feel. there is so much more to this list but these are just a few that tried to fuck me over in the end they fucked themselves because you get what you put out in this world and they got theirs and still are. All of the pain they put me and my Child through. the scares left behind , terrible memories of three years of pure hell, not knowing if I would lose my child. Anyone who has children knows the feeling of love toward your child is something unexplainable, something that makes you fight to protect them. I promised my daughter that I would not ever let anything harm or hurt her and I’ve done a pretty fucking good job of that . When she was a very little girl I would whisper to her “you and me forever kid ” and it still is and always will be that way. In the end I won but they also won because those years and that pain I could never get back. So when people do bad things to you and make you feel small , just Remember that karma will come their fucking way, wether it is a day, a month or years its coming !!!
Ideally you think I eat right, I work out and I try to be a good person , but at the end of the day none of that fucking matters… literally I thought Iam in the best shape of my life I can bike 45 miles no problem, I am just a healthy person, a healthy person doesn’t go to the fucking doctors as much as I do. I feel like people who smoke, drink, and do drugs oh and are just terrible fucking people never get sick , it’s the do gooders like me that have all of these fucking issues. I went to the doctors the other day for a lump on my jaw, a cold , my knee that I had surgery on is giving out and because I am having terrible gastric problems. So I start checking off my list all appointments scheduled, fever goes away come back sore throat goes away comes back, I deal with it. Stomach issues get worse go on a clear liquid diet to heal the gut nope now can’t hold any food down and I am in this place where it’s like do I go to the hospital or not. I question the hospital because I’ll go there and those mother fuckers will just give me and IV and probably say make an appointment with your gastro so then I’ve just wasted 6 hours of my life and $450.00 copay two things I can’t get back, on the other hand I wait until Tuesday and cross my fingers I don’t die between then and now lol HUMMM some dilemma. As I am writing this I am sitting in my bedroom alone depressed because I have done everything right and this year has been a fucking health nightmare. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with same bullshit, of this constant health issues, I try so hard to push through everyday. Everyday just seems to get harder and harder !!!! I have my family who loves me to no end , my husband that dedicates his life to making his family happy and making sure that my health stays number one on his list no matter what.. My daughter adores me and loves me so much she tells me I am the best worker outer she’s ever seen lol This kid is so attached to me that she hugs me every second she can , it’s a nice feeling to have people love you that much. At the end of the day all of that love can’t fix you, it just helps you to want to keep living and not give up on yourself , because if I give up I am being selfish. It’s so funny I love dressing nice no matter how I feel because that actually makes me feel just a bit better and I think anyone who’s sick should give it a try it’s always the little things that can put a smile on your face, like even my husband making sure I got home ok, my daughter smelling me because she thinks I smell amazing or my friends asking if I am ok. Those little things can some times save a persons life so that they don’t feel so alone with their health issues. Sometimes people may think I look like I have a great life, but nice things and a wonderful family can’t cure diseases or make your ailments go away, so never think that someone’s life is all champagne and caviar because they could being having worse problems then you. Make sure you listen and get to know your body because you don’t want to end up with a worse health situation then you could have had if you went to the doctor sooner. One more thing ask someone how their doing , because it could be that little question that makes someone feel they can pushing forward …..
Iam starting a gluten free cookbook on my blog, for those of you out there that are celiac or just gluten free. I know the difficulty of trying to be on a strict gluten free diet and the food choices are either way to high in calories, fat etc., just not enough choices or the food just fucking sucks. I was diagnosed 20 years ago, when no one knew about celiacs , I mean no one. I had been sick my whole life with out one doctor even coming close to a diagnosis, I just figured I was a sickly person. What was strange was that once a year it was like my body got so saturated with gluten that it would just shut down, and when I say shut down I mean everything I ate became liquified and excreted one way or another it was fucking disgusting. The smell of food just turned my stomach and I would lose 15 pounds easily, I looked good but felt like shit lol I rushed myself into Jefferson university one day after a long weekend at the shore I guess to much alcohol and pizza lol that will fucking kill you if your gluten intolerant. I went into work that Monday back from the shore was coming out of the bathroom and my boss asked if I was ok or did I need to tell her anything , I looked around and whispered why do you need to tell me something lol and she said well you look a bit pregnant, I looked in the mirror screamed in disbelief and drove myself to the ER at Jefferson university hospital. A couple of hours later they diagnosed me with celiacs disease. It took a long time for me to get this gluten shit right , trial and error a lot of errors. Back then there were no gluten free aisles , everyone thought this disease of mine was made up. My family thought I had a fucking eating disorder because I didn’t eat some of there foods at parties, you know us Puerto Rican’s frying up all kinds of goodies. All I could say was no thank you and I’d get oh she thinks she’s too good lmao anyways I don’t eat out much I cook every day, so I’m always making new things. I find when I go out to eat I always get sick, restaurants really don’t understand when you ask if something maybe cross contaminated. I try my hardest to explain when I go out this is not a fucking diet this is severe but still I get sick. So I just decided I’d rather be safe then sorry and honestly I like my food better then most restaurants anyway lol I just hope my cook book can help anyone who maybe looking for some good recipes to help them to stay on their gluten free journey, because I know it’s not easy. Happy Cooking !!!
Ok so here’s a question what gives anyone the right to call themselves a life coach ? I see posts all the time feeling sad, lost , can’t lose weight or find a job etc… then you need a life coach to get you back on track. No mother fucker they need meds or a gym and seriously there are no real qualifications to be a life coach one qualification is good listener. If I want a good listener I’ll call my mom or a therapist , look maybe there are “real” life coach’s out there. For the most part a lot of these people have no true life experience, their bored housewives who take seminars to make themselves feel better by listening to someone who’s life is worse then there’s. In my opinion a life coach should have life experiences and made something out of themselves from nothing , bettered themselves. Not some woman who was taken care of by her husband and her worst issue was a thyroid problem lol . I am talking real shit , and how the fuck is a person who’s never been over weight going to help a person who’s over weight by listening to them give their dinner order fucking moron. You can be a good listener and want to make the world a better place guess what this ain’t the fucking miss America pageant. I went from being homeless as a kid, having a drug addict father, rapped not once but three times, was abused by my ex-husband mentally and physically, lost it all and got back up and pushed forward because guess what I didn’t want to be another statistic. It’s bad enough Puerto Rican’s especially in north Philadelphia sometimes get stereotyped and I did not want to live up to that. So I told myself fuck this shit, all of the bad things that happened to me will not be my fucking crutch, these things will not define me oh and I forgot to mention pretty much a single mom and have severe celiacs disease.What more shit could a girl ask for , I went to college, tended bar at a strip club and took care of my daughter. Had one bad relationship after another but when I was in my last bad relationship before I met my Husband , I woke up one morning and said I am not taking anymore shit from anyone. That last relationship I was used to be a mother to his kid , buy the kid clothes, oh and he complained about spending money so if I wanted to go anywhere nice I’d have to pay .Guess what I stopped letting people take advantage of me , got certified to be in quality assurance, married the man of my dreams and the rest was history. I honestly would not change one thing in my past because all of those things are what made me who I am today. A life coach should have my qualifications, REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE……. not a seminar to tell them how to manipulate someone into paying them to tell you shit you already should know. If I piss anyone off not sorry because your mad that the truth hurts, anyone who’s reading this and thought about a life coach remember one very important thing you are your best life coach …..
Something hit me when I just went away to Barbados, girls are far to competitive!! As I sat in my beach chair relaxing by the pool, I did some people watching. I have to say I was surprised at the things I had the pleasure of watching happen right in front of me, things others usually don’t notice or maybe they do. You see I don’t normally pay attention to other people because Iam in my own world not giving a fuck about everyone around me , Why some may ask because I don’t have to. As I look around I see people sitting at the pool bar in the water talking shit about people around the them. But not to close to them because god forbid someone hear the shit talking and go over and punch them in their fucking face. Now let me break this shit down for you , these bitches are wearing two piece bikinis looking 9 months pregnant so why the fucking are they judgmental!!!! Over hearing them and watching this , I was about to go over and say put down the pina colada fat ass and look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why am I talking about a thinner person in a skimpy bikini… Oh oh pick me I have an answer because your jealous and rude . Hey it’s one thing if your a big girl who is confident, loves yourself and are happy in your own skin. But it is another if your self conscious and talking shit, funny thing is as there talking trash they keep adjusting their bathing suit lol. But let’s not get it fucked up the skinny stuck up bitches were just as bad, their in their little thongs, with the big sunglasses looking around trying to get attention, like they were looking for a customer at a strip club “no bitch”. First off these girls usually have the worst self image and are always looking for another girl that they feel they can one up with their better body oh and they usually always have uglier friends lol. And they feel the need to look down on anyone who is not thin or in shape. But they don’t realize that their hiding their negative self image with fake titts, pounds of makeup and starvation diet . At the end of the day they are fucking miserable not being able to get wet because they’ll melt lol and make sure there extensions don’t touch any water, this isn’t a way to live. One girl walked past me with this I can take your man attitude, we’ll go right ahead because not everyone likes fake. And I had a fat ass bitch stare me down because her man looked at me lol. Look Iam not 100 percent natural , I have fake titts and eyelash extensions but that’s it. Believe it or not I don’t wear makeup because I feel prettier with out it, there was a time I felt I needed it but I learned that I had to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. Even on instagram some people will post things to try to be better then the next , like ohh Iam so happy with my husband don’t we just look spectacular, ok well there usually the ones who have a fucked up marriage thats why they over compensate with their words lol if your curious about what My theory is just read their captions then look back at their Instagram and see if there always on a wonderful adventure with there gorgeous husband and I’m not saying everyone fakes it but you can definitely tell the ones who are. This constant need to make some one feel bad to make yourself feel better is bull shit. Come on some one will always have more money, a nicer car , nicer house, better relationship or better body, just accept it . There are so many young girls who commit suicide every year because of bullying it’s terrible . As a society we should be ashamed of ourselves for not smiling , or saying hello when you walk past someone. When I walk by someone I say hello and if they say nothing Back I yell it again to them lol because I want them to know that they are assholes … I smile and say hello to everyone I see because I had read something that said someone killed themselves and had left a note saying if one person would have said hello or smiled at them it may have saved his life because he felt so sad and lonely. As a kid I got teased a lot for the way I look and it mad me an angry person for a long time , girls did and said stuff to me that I would never say to anyone. One girl told me I would be prettier if I cut my hair like Madonna from The Who’s that girl album , my hair was down to the middle of my back and thick. But this girl was popular and I did it , then I got teased because they said I looked like a lesbian. After some years I went to therapy to feel better about myself and they taught me coping skills. So to this day after I’m dressed I look in the mirror and tell myself , I am confident, I am beautiful, Iam smart and I love myself because Iam me . Honestly that’s all anyone should be is their unique selves….
I have not wrote in a while, because I want to write about relevant things not just dumb shit that happens in my everyday life. And when I say dumb shit I mean like , hi everyone I walked my dog today three times , then I went to work and then I made lasagna for dinner WHO THE FUCK CARES…… As you all know crazy medical shit happens all the fucking time to me, well you’ll never believe what happened this time!! I wear glasses and was always told that they were only needed for distance and driving , ok no big deal so I would take them off during the day when I was not doing any thing. I had also been told since I was very young that I had a enlarged optic – nerve , that they thought was something I was born with HAHAHAHAH joke is on me . Two years ago I started feeling a little more blind lol so I go to the optometrist and they do their little test and it comes back that my enlarged optic nerve looks a bit more enlarged. HUMM born with it but its getting larger is that like your ears and fucking nose that grow larger as you get older , Nope these fucking morons two years ago just said well keep checking every time you come. OK well just about three months ago my eyesight is worsening and BOOM gots to go to the mother fucking optometrist UGH !! Iam just thinking the whole ride there, they better not give me bad news because I am so over surgeries and hospitals. I get there my husband is seen, he’s perfect!! Thank god.. My turn things are a bit quite and the woman says the doctor will be right in to finish the testing and here Iam like a fucking idiot telling stories and jokes oblivious to what’s coming…. The optometrist comes in and says lets look at your x-ray of your eyes, she then proceeds to say do you see this nerve here well here’s one from two years ago and one from the year prior, can you see the difference? Yes I can see the fucking difference the shit is triple the size the original x-ray. She then tells me it seems as though you have early onset glaucoma WTF is going on !!!! What did she say ? So apparently I go back in a couple of weeks to have another test then HI-HO off to another fucking surgery I go. I think Iam in a bit of shock once this surgery is done Iam going to be like the fucking bionic woman. This comes in a time that Iam finally recovering form my toxic estrogen issue , my knee and vagina healed and working out like a crazy person to whip my old ass into shape and now this bullshit. Look I need to see my gastroenterologist hers what i have to say to that ” NOT TODAY” !!!!!!!!