I have not wrote in a while, because I want to write about relevant things not just dumb shit that happens in my everyday life. And when I say dumb shit I mean like , hi everyone I walked my dog today three times , then I went to work and then I made lasagna for dinner WHO THE FUCK CARES…… As you all know crazy medical shit happens all the fucking time to me, well you’ll never believe what happened this time!! I wear glasses and was always told that they were only needed for distance and driving , ok no big deal so I would take them off during the day when I was not doing any thing. I had also been told since I was very young that I had a enlarged optic – nerve , that they thought was something I was born with HAHAHAHAH joke is on me . Two years ago I started feeling a little more blind lol so I go to the optometrist and they do their little test and it comes back that my enlarged optic nerve looks a bit more enlarged. HUMM born with it but its getting larger is that like your ears and fucking nose that grow larger as you get older , Nope these fucking morons two years ago just said well keep checking every time you come. OK well just about three months ago my eyesight is worsening and BOOM gots to go to the mother fucking optometrist UGH !! Iam just thinking the whole ride there, they better not give me bad news because I am so over surgeries and hospitals. I get there my husband is seen, he’s perfect!! Thank god.. My turn things are a bit quite and the woman says the doctor will be right in to finish the testing and here Iam like a fucking idiot telling stories and jokes oblivious to what’s coming…. The optometrist comes in and says lets look at your x-ray of your eyes, she then proceeds to say do you see this nerve here well here’s one from two years ago and one from the year prior, can you see the difference? Yes I can see the fucking difference the shit is triple the size the original x-ray. She then tells me it seems as though you have early onset glaucoma WTF is going on !!!! What did she say ? So apparently I go back in a couple of weeks to have another test then HI-HO off to another fucking surgery I go. I think Iam in a bit of shock once this surgery is done Iam going to be like the fucking bionic woman. This comes in a time that Iam finally recovering form my toxic estrogen issue , my knee and vagina healed and working out like a crazy person to whip my old ass into shape and now this bullshit. Look I need to see my gastroenterologist hers what i have to say to that ” NOT TODAY” !!!!!!!!


Soo I have been traveling a lot but I guess you would know if you follow my social media. when I travel I try to be very selective of where I stay and I carefully research the areas to where we will be staying. My search includes carefully looking at the map and researching best towns to stay in if the area we are staying is a really shitty. the reason for this is because our races are in the middle of no where, some are kind of like that movie deliverance lol Seriously I feel like we will be rapped and killed lmao in some of these town’s and the fucking movies make my mind run completely wild when we travel sometimes. Anyways during my vacation research I have come across some quote on quote 5 star fucking resorts let me tell you the pictures are so deceiving rooms that just look amazing with beautiful views , clean and safe. Two years ago we were coming back from a race , when my husband races we travel via car and towing a trailer with his race bike . the place I discovered on this particular trip seemed so nice , usually if it’s a golf resort it usually a good pick. well in this case it was not ,it was located in Irvington Virginia (the tiled inn) first off it was so out of the way but we thought let’s stay somewhere really nice and make the rest of our vacation last a bit longer, we said omg we’ll ride our bikes ect. Ugh fuck Nooooo it was situated supposedly on the Chesapeake Bay beautiful views ect. And the yelp reviews were sooo good , who ever gave them 5 stars are brain dead because it was disgusting and was like staying at the bates motel, our doors didn’t lock our bed sheets were dirty , the couch was stained oh and the bathroom had handicapped bath rails all over like they torture and murder people , creepiest fucking place ever. Needless to say there website is false advertisement and should be updated with there creepy pictures and not the ones taken 100 years ago when it was nice. This year in Disney the contemporary hotel great for transportation into the park but fucking gross. The room was not so clean, and smaller then the pics make it look, the exterior is so run down and filthy, for the amount of money a night very disappointing another false advertisement with all of the money that this place makes they really should update the place. My second stop this year was Hollywood beach Florida the Caribbean seas resort , what a dump. This place was a nightmare 50 people in the pool at all time my daughter could not swim , they were smoking and drinking around the pool people were inviting guests that were not even staying there to come swim. The rooms were so dirty I dropped my water bottle and when I went to clean it my paper towel came back black, I looked for another hotel and everything was all booked so I was forced to stay in this dump. Iam so tired of these assholes putting up these beautiful pictures and when you get there, it’s your nightmare come to life. This makes it difficult to know what your getting yourself into and also hard to trust what your seeing . there has to be away to stop these people from tricking you into there not so wonderful hotels.

I have also noticed on social media people posting before and after pictures and when you look back at there supposed heaviest self they were never fat. Soo frustrating for people who are trying to loose weight and be deceived by these mother fuckers who claim to have been over weight but they forget that they posted every fucking picture from the past 3 years and no weight problem there. Oh and it’s great because there before pic there’s no face just a body LIAR , I guess some people need constant attention and recognition even if they did nothing. If you need to be constantly reassured your confidence level is at a 0 and you need to stop lying to yourself and get real. Your only making yourself look like an ass for what “to get followers”, I am on a fitness journey and I can tell you I have struggled with weight and my confidence. the weight issue has never been A huge weight gain but it hasn’t been easy just to get into shape and even though for me it’s been only 10 pounds it is still a struggle. time plays a factor having kids and just life makes it difficult to be in shape and stay in shape. Like all of you I have a life and try to make the best of my day to fit in even 30 minutes of me time, Soo to anyone who try’s to trick people with false advertisement on your social media, you a moron and people before believing what you see look into the transformation pictures from way back and you might find that person just wants attention ..

Those are my thoughts on dumb ass people……

I look like what ……

If you have been following my blog, you’ll know that Iam struggling with an estrogen problem(hormonal). So when I put the puzzle pieces together myself because I was not feeling well, I had already gained 10 lbs. Ok maybe some of you are like 10 fucking pounds really thats her problem. listen up I eat healthy all day every day allow for a cheat day and this isn’t a diet it’s a way of life because guess what ? That is the way it should be, it shouldn’t be where oh for the fucking winter let me turn into a fat fucking slob who btw may get as big as a house and will have to be cut the fuck out of it … NOO dumb ass you should not wait until fucking February to say oh let’s get training for my bikini body, how about you keep your body all year long. For Christ sake it’s so terrible to do all of that up and down weight lose. And the bad food and lack of exercise is so hard on not just your body , which by the way will really look like shit soon because of the constant stretching of your skin oops you didn’t know that you are probably getting stretch marks if you hadn’t already and it’s terrible on your heart. I absolutely hate the phrase gotta get my beach body ugh!! Anyways, so because I have been sick for about a year I have not got to work out much, however through healthy eating I managed to keep my weight at a steady 125 lbs. and then the estrogen got me right when I was getting back into working out and let me just tell you when your working out and see no results , but keep getting fatter you literally can not wrap your head around it , it’s fucking depressing. Anyways when I took myself off of the estrogen, I started training hard joined a gym and if I can’t get there I workout in my basement, I don’t have much down there I have a treadmill, jump rope and dumbbells. You don’t need much when you can do workouts using your own body weight. Iam finally seeing little results, I have celiacs disease so I don’t eat gluten but I also went Palio. The diet is a bit difficult but worth it you just have to put the time into cooking, in the end your body will thank you. I have always had a negative self image but when I took before pics of myself I just cried and thought I look like that seriously because you don’t know what you look like from behind or through someone else’s eyes , the pictures really made me take a long look at myself and vow that Iam going to get into the best shape of my life no matter how hard it will be. I know a lot of women have struggled or struggle with the same hormonal issues if not worse, I just want to say be an advocate for yourself and get checked to see if it’s your medications because I would not have known if I didn’t research it myself. Iam 5 foot 3 inches and 1 pound makes a difference when your short so 125 was a good number for me because my goal was not ever to be anorexic looking just to look healthy. Adding 10 pounds to my body was insane and my body just looked like shit and honestly still does but it’s getting there. The pics above are from 4 weeks ago the week before I started working out and then now 3 weeks of training, 6 days a week 1 hour minimum and it doesn’t matter if it’s morning, noon or night as long as I get it in. I lost 4 pounds , not a big difference but soon baby steps, Iam also still recovering from a knee operation so I can’t get to nuts and also I want to make sure I lose the weight properly. I really hope that this information can give someone the motivation to try even if your tired and feel shitty about yourself . Feeling shitty should be the biggest reason why you do it, so that you can tell the old you to suck it. Don’t you want to live longer to see your children grow up , don’t you want to feel confident in your clothes. No matter what size you are you should always love yourself first because you can’t love until you can love yourself . I know it’s hard to get started working out but after the first 2 weeks you can barely live with out working out because you’ll notice a little boost in energy, you might even smile at yourself in the mirror. Don’t ever wait until beach season to get into shape because being healthy should be everyday not seasonal. So I hope these life blogs help as you follow me through my journey of getting healthy and staying healthy, I will begin adding recipes to try to make you feel good about healthy cooking you’ll be happy you chose a healthy lifestyle , I know Iam …..

Here we go again

Soo I have not got to write, because once more I have been dealing with another medical issue. It seems as though a high level of estrogen can cause something called estrogen dominance let me define this for you: causes toxic fat gain, water retention, bloating, and a host of other health and wellness issues. As women age, there is a natural decline in testosterone and progesterone levels, leaving a relative excess of estrogen. what the fuck is wrong with these doctors, I just don’t get it ! Is it a money thing because honestly, Iam so tired of advocating for myself and then not getting the proper help even though it seems like Iam. I have had more shit happen to me in a year but because of doctors giving me wrong diagnosis, for fuck sake my knee still fucking hurts. Makes me think do I get a second opinion and cross my fingers that I don’t need another surgery, how about I desperately need a gastro but so scared that I’ll have to have half my intestine taken out lol. There’s just no knowing what’s next so I think I’ll save going to the doctor for a bit so I can enjoy my summer. I have so distraught over this estrogen dominance because I put on ten pounds and am so bloated I can’t see my muscles lol after two weeks of straight paleo and exercise I finally dropped four pounds ugh so mother fucking upsetting. I cry because this isn’t my body, for people who struggle I wish I can help them because losing weight is not easy.

For anyone who struggles with health issues it can get better you just have to work hard and don’t back down, this is a life long battle advocate for yourself. If something feels wrong it maybe, try to get to know your body so that you can feel when your not well. And if anyone needs or feels alone, you can reach out and Iam more then willing to talk. Life is shitty sometimes and you can feel alone, feeling alone is what makes it hard to go forward to push through things. In all actuality loneliness can make you stronger, not friends because you, are your only friend (you are your only best friend). I heard something recently that was a very true statement it’s not how many friends on Instagram or Facebook that friend you it’s how many true friends you have in real life. Some times the number maybe higher virtually, but realistically there not. So I am happy to say I do not have many friends and my best friend is probably my husband hum maybe my daughter as-well, but I do have one or two genuine friends and I think I’ll keep it that!!

Back to the party!!

Sorry to have kept you waiting to finish my story lol soo I was planning my daughters crazy P.J’s and pancakes party while dealing with my ailments oh and my mom is coming to stay with me for a week, what the fuck else can possibly happen this month. My orthopedic doctor says I need knee surgery March 29th and my partial hysterectomy is April 24th , not much room for recovery just what I like to be in pain and bed forever.

March 3rd the big birthday party goes off without a hitch feeling ok, only thing that night was I lost the birthday candles, you ask how hum because Iam a moron that is how lol my only thought tea light candles boom worked all good lol. So we’re past the birthday on to my mom great stay, we get hit with a fucking blizzard why not just throw so more shit into this storm. She leaves right before my knee surgery very upsetting, but what can I do she thinks I’m going to be ok because my aupair is here, ugh negative. My husband was taking care of me the first day but had to go to work. My 1st post opt day I was hungry the only way to get up and down the stairs was to scootch on my but of fucking course and hop around like playing fucking hop scotch around the house oh what fun, did I mention I’m supposed to be in bed lol. You would think my aupair would ask if I’m ok , hungry anything nope instead I was gliding down the stairs on my ass and she said excuse me and went around me fml. Oh then I was hungry so I got a bag and filled it up like a grocery bag and wore it like a god damn crossbody to be able to get back up the stairs and she fucking squeezes past me again lol. Eventually I called my old nanny that day and she came to help and of course wait for it the day after my surgery was my daughters play so my old nanny had to drive me, help me hobble in the auditorium to sit with my leg out towards the end of the row taking up like 3 seats it was great actually lol all of the parents were in disbelief that I was there, it was great. Then I hobbled back out jumped in the car and went home. Now this puts us at my next surgery a two hour turned fucking five how you Might ask well it wasn’t supposed to be a partial until they found endometriosis ect.ect.ect. So boom 5 hour surgery, my husband is freaking out. I come out of surgery violently ill guess what Iam allergic to Percocet of course ugh 3 hours in recovery… finally Iam home getting better 2 weeks post surgery and the moron that Iam shows my daughter how to do a dance and rips my stitches, what a dumb ass move. Back to bed rest for me, so here I have learned a valuable lesson that would be,use your fucking brain… this is my story and Iam sticking to it until next time, good night!!



And then the beginning

As Iam writing this Iam in bed dealing with godforsaken muscle spasms…ugh of course however I did push through the pain and get a kick ass 36 mike bike ride in lol however I believe that’s why Iam now reaping the wonderful rewards lol so getting back on track last year I was always feeling run down, sore throat and runny nose, but never a real reason why, oh and I kept getting weird belly button infections; I know disgusting right lol so finally in January 2018 I wake up feeling terrible my belly button in pain and swollen oh your going to love this I press on my belly button and it starts to Ozze ewww fucking terrifying. So I rush to see my doctor he takes a specimen of the terrible green puss that smelled like rotting meat. As I await the results I was heading over to my reproductive doctor to get the results from some tests taken to see why I can not get pregnant. I go in and the doctor proceeds to tell me that they see a mass in my ultrasound and more tests are needed, my phone ring my family doctor tell me that I have an internal bacterial infection and must be put on antibiotics right away. I swear to god my head was ready to fucking explode !! So what next i sit in my car and yell and punch the fucking steering wheel for like 10 minutes while these old woman watch me because Iam a crazy person. This chain of events started on a Tuesday and on Sunday I usually work out with my friend and a trainer my fucking knee starts giving out and bad swelling was occurring. So what, next off to the orthopedic specialist and what does he say let’s get some cat scans and x rays, ok can’t fucking wait to get on that. Ok so at this point it’s February and I got three things wrong with me so I made a conscious decision no more doctors until these issues are dealt with, now I have a severe gluten allergy on top of everything else and terrible allergies that came out of fucking no where. Next bacterial infection goes away, orthopedic doctor comes back saying that he has found possible metal in my knee from a previous surgery, of course he did why wouldn’t he have. I guess it’s an arthroscopic knee surgery for meeee , yay I can’t wait to see what else they find… then I have my reproductive doctor give me good news to I have inflamed tissue through out my uterus, my tubes look very unhealthy or as they like to say diseased and it looks as though I have scar tissue blocking my uterus, oh and fibroids in the walls of my uterus. Did I mention I have a 10 year old getting ready to be 11 and Iam throwing this really cool party during all of this. On this note I’ll let you take all of that info. In and digest it because it’s a lot even for me to just rehash right now and my pain is at a level 20, sooooo good night all hope you enjoy my tails from the suburbs lmao..

Iam not going to die !!!!

Quick note about me I had a shitty, really shitty childhood but Iam not getting into that right now. My relationships have been fucking awful, with the exception of my current marriage. My health always something fucking weird always happening, so honestly not sure if I’d categorize myself as healthy but I think Iam. Iam in good shape, workout a lot and eat healthy but the doctors always find something wrong. This fucking year has been torture!! I am on my second marriage and I would have liked to have a baby with him but that is not going to happen. We tried everything sex everyday, me on top , him on top legs up , legs down, on the pillow, doggy style, he’ll even another girl to get him really fired up, but this is for another day. My crazy roller coaster ride of poor health all started 3C2B6B25-686D-4C6E-9C7B-9E3C433803F0.jpegabout December of fucking 2017. Which leads me to today, on June 16th I go to great adventure with my New friend and our daughters. Oh so I don’t have many friends women don’t seem to like me like I give a fuck , so anyway it was nice when Lisa is my new friends name asked me to go to great adventure. Anyway I go and I get on this roller coaster ride from hell and it beat the shit out of me , Iam 40 years old and not an old lady 40 like a 25 year old 40 lol so I get off of this death contraption and instant pain. In my head I’m like omg Iam not feeling good but also saying Iris don’t be a little bitch, so I push on in pain 3 more fucking roller coasters because Iam a fucking retard. Yeah good idea “not” finally Iam like ok Iam done we in agreement go to a local pool. Iam driving with this pain that is getting worse and worse get to the pool my daughter has to help me into my bathing suit, I sit by the pool trying to relax but this shit felt like I was thrown from a building. Iam in so much pain I can’t get my bathing suit off and I pretend like I’m jut to tired to change lol and drive home in my batching suit. Get out of the car crying my husband and daughter help me upstairs fucking crazy right , this from a roller coaster. My husband takes off my bathing suit puts me in bed and runs to the store to get me meds and a neck brace , this is serious fucking pain; by the way my husband is pretty wonderful. The next day still in pain he rushes me to the hospital, they take CT scans with and without contrast , doctor comes in say looks good just some whip lash here’s some meds go home rest, ok great! We get home and 20 mins later get a call from the doctor hi Iris you need to come back to the ER we found something, the “team” is waiting for you so you can do a STAT MRA , hum ok what the fuck is happening…. I have the MRA and they diagnose me with a dissection of the artery located in the c3, c4 kinda close to my fucking brain, they tell me they can’t help me I have to go to the trauma unit at Jefferson in Philadelphia all the while I’m thinkimg what the fuck is a dissection!! Another ambulance comes rushes me to trauma in Jefferson hospital, rushed through the doors of the hospital into this crazy room with lights and neurosurgeons, trauma surgeons and radiologists. Imagine sitting there, not knowing your diagnosis and everyone coming up and putting there hand on your shoulder and  saying do you know why your here ugh no you fucking asshole I don’t know. Finally after everyone making me feel like I’m going to die leaves me alone for a second I call a doctor over and ask why am I here lol  He says oh because you have a dissection of your vertebral artery in the back of your neck at the c4 , your artery in case you may not know consists of 4 layers and two of which in this case were severed on impact which meant I could be internally bleeding or have a stroke at some point. So major observations were needed possible surgery hence neurosurgeons. Oh ok thanks for this information let me process my possible fucking death… Soooo all night people are poking me talking to me, asking me to walk talk ect, my husband brings me clothes and we’re waiting for  them to move me to stroke victims unit, at this point I have been at the hospital since 9:30 am it is now 1am. We are so tired and there’s crazy shit happening around us in the trauma unit like drunk people who fell from balconies and broke there necks, dudes who got the shit beat out of them , I mean nuckles where you can see the bone because they taught so hard to try to stay alive. Finally at 2am a woman comes over and says oh so there seems to be no dissection you can go home, wtf are you talking about. I go home angry, distraught and afraid to go to sleep because all day I was being checked for hemorrhaging and stroking , great and no one gave me any diagnosis or explanation. Next day I call my doctor go in and he’s like oh but it’s saying you still have the dissection ugh! Can anyone get this right, now Iam thinking great I went home and I could have been ready to stroke any minute. Iam sent for another MRA , can’t wait for these results, test finally comes  back : diagnosis fenestration of the vertebral artery ok again what the hell is that ?? You’ll never believe it , no one can answer what that means , of course that would be to easy ,but it could be very serious. Ugh back to Jefferson neurosurgeons fuck my life, here I go again . Iam in the office just waiting for the next batch of bad news , nope not this time my beautiful angel of a doctor lol tells me no dissection, just fenestration the placement is not bad and all it is , is a fusing of 2 arteries most cases do not require any medical assistance, just go live your life but she wants to repeat the MRA in 4 months to be safe. Apparently this fusing is rare , it happens at birth and in many cases is not a problem. Thank,you Jesus for today !! Today was a great day because Iam not afraid that I might die , or that I may never see my daughter and husband ever again , I won’t be afraid to go to sleep tonight. I guess today was my lucky day !!